Thursday, August 25, 2005
Current Music: Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson *on repeat*
Well.. today WAS going really well. I walked around DC all day, taking pictures. Someone even asked me how to get somewhere! I felt like a real DC person, not some crazy tourist.
Then.. it all hit the fan.
I do not know what to think, I do not want to think about it, because it just makes me cry. Once again, I didn't speak up on how I feel, afriad it would freak someone out... and this happens.
I AM NOT BLAMING MYSELF FOR THIS... WHY DO I ALWAYS PLACE THE BLAME ON ME?!?! Damn it... I am way too nice a person, this is why I get BURNED all the time. I am so sick of getting burned. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with men.
He sounded sorry at least. At least he sounded speechless and not sure of what to say... too bad that really doesnt make me feel any better. I didn't know he felt that way about us, of course he didn't know how I felt, and by the time we both told eachother... ha ha.. TOO LATE.
Oh, how funny fate is. Wait, I dont find this funny at all. I think this absolutely sucks. Why couldn't he come and visit me? Why didn't I go visit him? Would it have really mattered. No one knows... and that really sucks. Common sense tells me that the whole situation is crazy anyways, but when you look at how it's played out, it's totally feasible.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I hate men for making me hate myself.
"Now all that's left of me, is what I pretend to be. So together, but so broken up inside. Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep... I'm barely hanging on...Here I am, once again... I'm torn into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought *that maybve* you were the one. Broken up, deep inside... but you won't get to see the tears I cry.... behind these hazel eyes..." -Kelly Clarkson